Our Laughter

I believe it has been since I was born, but it has been atleast as far back as I can remember, my mother and I have always been able to laugh together. It always seems to be jokes that nobody else understands and nobody else ever laughs at. The jokes are never inside jokes, they are just ones that nobody else wants to join in on. I have always loved our all out belly-aching, cant breath, tears in out eyes jokes. The jokes are usually about topics that "normal" people would find to be unamusing and usually repulsive. However, it is our humor that we share in our own way. It is a bond that we have that has always been there. When times between us have been hard or distant, it is usually our "jokes" that will bring us back together.
I write about this because since Emily has been born we have had that same bond over jokes. They are never knock-knock jokes or the "a monkey, a sheep, and a man walk into a bar...." kind of jokes. It is the little songs we sing, the way we can twist something sad or disturbing into something that we can laugh about, or just look at something and start to laugh. There doesn't even need to be words spoken, sometimes we can just laugh and know what the other one is laughing about. I can feel and see the same bond with Emily that my mother must have always felt with me.
I truly believe that laughter can be the best medicine. I take care of many patients dying of many aliments and you can tell that they never feel as good on medication as they feel when they have a good belly laugh. I am just so happy that I have this bond with not only my mother but also with my daughter. I can tell that our laughter will lead to many years of great memories about nothing at all... except laughing about something... whatever that may be.

Where did this weird kid come from?

I have this small male that lives in my house and I dont know where he came from. He is short and skinny, the size of a 2 year old.... yet he tells me he is 3 1/2 years old. He is cranky a real lot and yells when he doesnt get his way. Although I have noticed over time that the yelling has become a little less and he is becoming less cranky. He likes to play sports, usually in the house. He throws footballs, hits baseballs, and swings at golf balls; not to mention riding skateboards around the living room. I dont know where he came from because he doesnt look quite like anyone in the house. He hardly acts like anyone else in the house. And last time I checked I had a little baby boy... not this big kid in a little body. He is growing up fast and I cant believe how time flies. He makes us laugh with his quirkly little dances. He can drive any sane person to the brink of insanity and bring them back to loving him in just a moments time. He knows just the things to do to make you smile and melt your heart. He is one of the best at cuddling that I have ever met. So, I dont know where this strange kid came from, but I am thinking that I will keep him. He may be weird but he is an amazing little kid that fills my heart.

My daughter believes in GOD!!!

As I was kissing my kids goodnight last night I see Emily doing the sign of the cross. You know the one that goes from your forehead to your belly to your right and then left shoulder, finished with a kiss on the thumb knuckle. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I thought I would pray". Of course since I didn't teach her this I was curious as to wear she learned it. My first thought was that my lovable, well meaning bible thumbing 8 year old niece taught her. But I was wrong. She said that the day that Eric had his surgery "Daddy showed me how to pray and do the cross, so that Eric would be safe in surgery." Now, Emily has had some experience with religion and God. Not much and not on my account. She says that she believes in God and that he is good and protects us, but doesn't know why she believes. I have asked Eric if he believes in God... he looks at me like I am crazy and says "who?"
I do think that it is good that Emily believes in God, even if she doesn't know why. I think that it is great that my husband shares his views on religion with the kids. Why do I think it is good when I am atheist? Because for one it cant hurt. Even though I think religion of all different types are great and interesting, I still believe that it is great stories when people had nothing else to believe in due to horrible times, and they needed to have faith in a higher power. These stories were passed down for generations and because they are usually based on good things that come to you if you do believe, why won't people want to continue to believe. But I give my kids the option to learn about all different types of religion.. and if they want to believe in any of them, then good for them. I have also told my kids that even though Daddy believes in God, Mommy does not. But I follow that up with "you can believe in anything you want" and Yes I do mean that.
Now, I write this because even though I am a strong believer in Karma... I do not believe in any devine interventions. I have seen too many good people die and too many bad people live for me to believe that any person or thing or spirit could have choosen for it to be that way. I think that when your time is up, your time is up. When you are dead, you are dead. If you got hit by a bus, it was because you were not looking when you crossed the road, not because some higher being decided that it was your time to go. With all that being said... I did make a phone call when I was at the hospital waiting for Eric to come out of surgery to a very good, yet HIGHLY religious friend of mine. She told me that she had been praying for Eric. I do like when people pray for my family. I believe that it cant hurt and if the day ever comes where I am proven wrong about God (not that I am ever expecting that) I will be glad that people prayed for us. Although I do not believe in the power of prayer per say... I do believe that the power of positive thought can be very helpful. So pray away. When I talked to my friend I said "it is days like this that I wish I believed in God. I hate having to put all my trust into just one person (the doctor), to take care of my son."
So, even though I am not religious, I am glad that Emily, and perhaps even Eric one day, believes in God. I dont want her to ever feel like she is alone or helpless when she needs to put her trust into someone or something. Even if I cant make myself believe in magical spirits or all mighty creators.... I am glad that my daughter can, so that if nothing else, she will always have the comfort of her faith.

A long week

It was 6 days ago that Eric and I packed up and went to the hospital. He had his tonsills out and it has been a long week. He needed them out because they were HUGE!! He was having a hard time breathing and has recently started getting strep throat easily. I was told it would be a 1-2 week recovery. It is looking like it will be closer to 2 weeks for Eric. The codeine is not lasting as long as it should and he is frequently in pain. But I can see that things are getting better. He was able to play outside this weekend and he needs less medication during the day. I just hate seeing him in pain like this. I know that it is for the best for him, but in the here and now, it sucks. I can tell a difference in his breathing and his voice already. They say that once the swelling goes down in 2 weeks, he will be like a new kid. I cant wait to see him better and these 2 weeks cant come fast enough. I hate seeing him in pain, just holding his mouth and crying, knowing that there is nothing I can do. As a nurse, I want to give him something to ease the pain. As a mom, I want to take the pain away from him and give it to me, so that I dont have to have my baby suffer. There is no words of frustration that I can use that can explain the look in his eyes when he just looks at you and is silently begging you to make him better. Eric has had more than his fair share of illnesses, but I think now that he is older it is harder on me. When he was a baby I could use my nursing skills to give medication, give him nebulizer treatments, listen to his lungs and then like magic, he would be better. This time, because it was surgery it is harder because I cant do anything except count down the days with him until he should feel better. I am seeing improvements each day, but it is never fast enough when it is your little guy lying there.
I do have to add that Emily has been a huge help. She knows when to help Eric and when to put herself second, when I have to deal with just him. She is wise beyond her years and has a maternal instinct that some people never develop. I tell her all the time that she is the best big sister that anyone could have, and I truely mean that. Not only is Eric lucky to have her as a big sister, Dan and I are so blessed to have her as a wonderful daughter and an amazing helper.
I knew my whole life that I wanted to be a mom and a nurse. I just never imagined just how much these rolls would be combined into one. Im so glad to be both, even if there are many thankless moments, painful moments, and joyful moments.